Finding friends can be really hard as at the beginning, you’re complete strangers and people can portray themselves to be completely opposite of what they actually are and you wouldn’t even know. Only after some time, you may notice some traits that you don’t agree with and that you haven’t noticed before.
And maybe those traits come through because that person is not really your friend and was just pretending to be, but because they can’t pretend forever, their deception is starting to be clear. People will learn that their so-called friends were fake all along and it is always very hurtful when a person you felt close with doesn’t really have a connection with you.
There is a subreddit in which people came to tell their stories of when they found out that their friends were actually fake. Reddit user VexAndStuff asked on AskReddit “When did you realize your ‘friends’ were actually fake friends?” and the thread was upvoted 67k times with almost 20k people joining in with their hurtful realizations. At least they know the truth now.
More info: Reddit
Back in my first year of college, I used to have a group of friends (like 7 dudes with me included). We always hang out together and we’re used to have this “group chat” where we discuss about anything from class subjects to random things. After a year, I noticed that one of the guys (let’s just call him Randy) keeps getting excluded; Not invited/informed to group hangout while they’re talking smack behind his back. And the “unofficial leader” of the group actually made a whole new group chat, inviting everyone (myself included) except Randy without his knowledge.
I know what it feels to be left out, I experienced that in Middle school and it’s really awful. I stopped hanging out with them and I started hanging out with Randy. He’s quite eccentric but a very good person at heart. We’ve been friends for more than 6 years, and he still got my back
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Happened to me on my 21st birthday- all my “friends” made up excuses why they couldn’t come. Then the 3 friends that did met some guys and we went back to their house and awkwardly sat around.
Happened again for my 25th birthday- I had moved across the country and found new friends, but they all bailed at the last minute. I called my roommate at the time who came out when he got off work, and he called some of his friends who came out and I had the best night ever. Those guys are now my real friends, and I married that roommate
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I was at a party, really depressed after a bad breakup and got drunk. My abusive ex showed up, caught me somewhere alone and hit me. I begged several friends for help since I was too drunk to drive home alone and they ignored me. My ex best friend was there, completely sober and refused to drive home with me because she didn’t believe he would do that. There’s no Uber or anything in my country btw. The whole thing escalated, one guy I didn’t know ended up finding me alone in a field crying and throwing up, brought me back to the house, build a bed out of blankets for me and sat guard all night to make sure my ex wouldn’t do anything again.
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When I traded in my truck for a smaller more eco friendly vehicle. Communication plummeted now that i can’t haul furniture around, assist with moving as much, dispose of garbage.. etc.
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Shortly realized after quitting cocaine that a majority of my “friends” only kept me around so they could feel better about their own cocaine habits.
I was heavily addicted and setting myself down a path I never once thought I could or would take. Stopped for my own benefit and health, and was treated like a selfish piece of s*** for doing so. The next months ensued and not one of them checked in to see how I was doing, but instead my high school best friend started sleeping with my ex highschool girlfriend (I was with her for 5 years and actually thought I was going to marry her at one point) who dumped me for doing cocaine and is now an honorary member of the group I was cast out of.
Replaced with the person who partially fueled my substance abuse, who dumped me for substance abuse, by the group that didn’t like me stopping my substance abuse, so they could all abuse substances together.
It’s now been over a year since I quit, and honestly couldnt be happier. Got rid of a cocaine addiction and about 1000lbs of dead weight. But it was an eye opener to say the least.
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Middle school. I hung out with a group who treated me like dog s***. I was always the one getting made fun of, the group punching bag, that sort of thing. I hung out with them because they were the only “friends” I had. Then I woke up one day and realized they all sucked. So at lunch I went up to them, told them they were all d*** heads. I got laughed at, but I went and sat alone. I was alone all the way until junior year of high school when I told my parents that the big city wasn’t for me. So my amazing parents sacrificed everything and moved up to Montana. I showed up to a small school and didn’t know a soul. I decided to join the football team. That was the best choice I ever made. I met all new friends, who I’m still friends with 15 years later.
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I was invited to the bachelorette party for one of the friends in this group. While at the party, I figured out that I was the only person not invited to the wedding. I had been invited to the party because they needed another person to chip in for expenses.
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When my phone got stolen and I lost their phone numbers. Mine stayed the same, but we just never talked again.
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The group made plans to meet and hang out. I was getting ready in the salon. A couple of friends had to back out for some reason. The other friend then made excuses of his own, and I could tell. I tried cajoling him and offer ways for him to go but he basically decided to cancel the entire group meet up.
It was my birthday.
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When I got sober. 7 months today!
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Went to pick up my xbox 360 a friend was borrowing, and our whole group of friends were there. They had spent the entire day playing games with snacks and pizza, and I had not been invited. And now I was in the situation of being the douche who takes the ball home and ruins the fun for everyone. I took my xbox and never spoke to anyone in that group again.
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When I realized I was the one always calling. Then I stopped and “friends” disappeared.
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When you try to open up and try to share a genuine conversation about something going on in your life and all they can do it crack jokes and try to get you to go out drinking with them. Made me realize how surface level many “friendships” really are.
Then you have the opposite of that – 3 guys I’ve known since I was a freshman in high school. Been friends for over 15 years. Have stayed in touch through all of us getting married, having kids, and moving to completely separate areas or the country. Yet whenever we’re within an hour of each other we always make a point to get breakfast and catch up (this usually turns into 3+ hour conversations). This may only happen once or twice a year, but I consider those guys my best friends. That’s real friendship and I’m fortunate to have them.
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This was quite a few years ago. My ex and I were really friendly with another couple. Did a ton of stuff together. Then they moved (not far) and fairly shortly after my ex and I separated. They hung out with me for a few months but then stopped calling.
A few years later, I ran into both of them at a race (an ultramarathon) and they both pretended like they didn’t know me. That was actually a really painful moment.
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Finding out they have an inner-circle group chat but i’m the only one not in it
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One friend stopped replying to my texts right after we graduated from college. Like the same week we graduated. So… I was pretty much just a study buddy that they kept close to keep me helping them.
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They would invite each other to places in front of me and not include me in the slightest. When I ditched them they didn’t know how to take it, lol.
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When I went through a divorce and was down to $700…most difficult period and weeded out all those who “friended” me for my generosity because I was well settled. Started over and have like 2 true good friends.
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When they stopped contacting me when I stopped drinking
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I wouldn’t say I have fake friends but I am definitely the periphery friend. The majority of the time if there isn’t enough tickets or space in the car for everyone to go do something, I’m the one who gets cut out. It doesn’t bother me much but I wish they would be more mindful when talking to me about “things we have done.” “Remember when we went to see XXX? Wasn’t that fun?” Well, no because I wasn’t invited. In those situations it usually gets awkward or they say “Hey, we would have invited you if we had the tickets, space, etc.”
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When I broke up with my long-term boyfriend, the guy I thought had been my best friend of 3 years gave me 2 weeks before saying “is it my turn, yet?” F*****g garbage.
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Like I suspect for a lot of people, getting divorced was a real eye opener. I started with a core group of close friends who had all met in our late teens/early twenties and one of them introduced me to the woman who I would ultimately marry. Well into our 40s they were what I considered to be my family but when the divorce happened things spiralled.
My best friend stuck with me, but his wife was the one who orchestrated things in our group and she was best friends with my ex. I was expecting the two of them to insulate for a while and I knew it was painful for my ex to be around me, so it was no surprise when I stopped getting invitations to cook outs etc..
But then I noticed that the other members of the group were also avoiding/ignoring me. I’d see on facebook that one of them came into my town to go to a concert for a band that they knew I liked and hadn’t so much as texted. Birthdays rolled around and nobody would call. When my parents both died within a few months of each other and not a one of them reached out I knew where I stood.
My best friend needs to get credit though. Alone from all of them he made a consistent effort to stay in touch and see me regularly. He was there when my parents died and through everything else even though his wife clearly disapproved. I think finally after this nonsense had been going on for several years he told her how ridiculous it all seemed and that entire friend group tried to reconcile. I made it clear right from the start that there was no guarantee that I’d ever find space for them in my life again.
This is all very apropos right now because they are having their first big post-covid party in a couple weeks and I’m invited. People are coming in from all over the country and the only one I give a s*** about seeing is my buddy.
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This friend, I’ll call her Mary, had kids the same age as mine. We got together for play dates pretty often and our kids would sleep over at each others’ houses for weekends. I liked Mary. We would often visit and talk while our kids were playing. One weekend, her kids had stayed at my house. The older one called her mom to see when she was coming to pick her up. I was in the room, and the kid put the phone on speaker for some reason. Mary told the kid what time she would be there and added, “You had better be waiting outside. If I have to go in and spend the next hour talking to rivertam, I’m going to be really pissed.”
We didn’t spend much time together after that.
Here’s what happened after I overheard my friend say that to her child:
I simply stopped initiating contact and wasn’t as available to do stuff for her. When we dropped off or picked up the kids, I smiled and waved. I let the kids make the plans for play dates. I no longer had time to help her with her garden or watch her kids while she went out with another friend (they were into long distance running, which is not my cup of tea). She never contacted me unless she wanted something. This had always been true, but I had not realized it. The “friendship” eventually fizzled out on its own. So, I guess it had never been much of a friendship to begin with. I just didn’t realize it until she opened my eyes.
Image credits: rivertam2985
When I was in school, all my friends and I did different A levels.
Despite us all having different lessons to each other, they would wait for each other to go to lunch together, but they would always always forget me. Like I’d come out and they wouldn’t be there, so I’d have lunch by myself.
And then they’d come back and tell me they thought I was with them.
I was the only one they didn’t wait for.
I’ve only seen one of them since we left school. She had forgotten my name.
So that sucked.
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When they ghosted me after 17 years of close friendship. I still have no idea what I did wrong, and for extra salt in the wound, it was right after I spent a week eating instant noodles because I donated every cent I had to one of them for her cancer treatment GoFundMe.
Hurt more than any relationship breakup.
Edit: for all those asking, yes she definitely has cancer, no she didn’t die, and given that it was more than 1 person who ghosted me and that the cancer friend still maintains an active social life with everyone else but me, it’s probably not for reasons related to her ordeal.
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One “friend” at university tried to steal my Animation coursework, claim it as his own and get me kicked out for stealing his work.
However I had help setting things up by one of my Tutors/Professors, for me to film the coursework, so he instead got expelled and blacklisted from the University and any other University in the UK doing the same subject (The people running all the Animation degrees in every University in the UK, back then, knew each other and talked to each other regularly as it a small community. I think there were less than half a dozen Universities with Animation degrees back then)
This was 20ish years ago now.
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Once high school ended, I heard about all the rumors they made up about me.
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For me it was when I got in some deep trouble and they all just cast me aside without even giving it a second thought, I realized this when I invited all of them to go to the movies with me and they all said they couldn’t go, I then found out through one of them that they went to see that movie the same day and when I asked then why they didn’t tell me they were going they said: “We just wanted to go together” s*** broke my heart
Image credits: VexAndStuff
When they didn’t wait for me whilst I did my shoelaces
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After my divorce. We were couples friends not individually.
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